FUNNY JOKES 2

Ok this is a scary riddle.
Think of a number between 2 and 9
Now multiply your number by 9
Then add the two digits of that number together example:98 9+8:17
Then subtract 5 from the number you got adding
Then find the letter that corresponds with your number
A:1 b:2 c:3 d:4 e:5
Now think of a country in europe that starts with you letter
Then take the second letter of the country and think of an animal that starts with the letter
Now think of the color of the animal
Was your answer a grey elephant and denmark.
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a Really Bad Day

A really bad day
There was this guy at a bar‚ just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then‚ this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him‚ takes the drink from the guy‚ and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says‚ “come on man‚ I was just joking. Here‚ i’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”

“no‚ it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First‚ I fall asleep‚ and I go late to my office. My boss‚ outrageous‚ fires me. When I leave the building‚ to my car‚ I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home‚ and when I leave it‚ I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.”
“i go home‚ and when I get there‚ I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home‚ and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life‚ you show up and drink my poison.
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Dying of Aids

A man was dying of cancer his son ask him ”dad why do you keep telling people that your dying of aids”the man reply”because if I die I don’t want anyone to marry your mom”.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."
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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"[3]
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Good News and Bad News

A man was out with his mother-in-law when his wife rung‚ they started arguing about his mother-in-law when he crashed into a lamppost and the car rolled down the hill. He woke up in hospital and the nurse said to him I have some good news and bad news. The man replied what is it then. The nurse said your wife has called and said seen as you were the one to cause the accident and your mother-in-law is in a state of which she can’t do anything you have to wipe her arse when she goes to the toilet‚ you also have to feed her‚ dress her bath her and do everything for her. The man said so what is the good news the nurse replied only joking she’s dead but the police are outside.
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Top 10

One day a child called his father while in the college and this ensued between them;
Child: please father‚ I will commit suicide if you don’t come to pay my school debt
Father: my son‚ am very broke now‚ if the problem is critical‚ so suicide approved.
Child: oh!
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Relationship Jokes

Unexpected
A married couple‚ both 60 years old‚ were celebrating their 35th anniversary. During their party‚ a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one wish.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and poof – the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise.
Next‚ the fairy asked the husband what he wanted.
He said; “i wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me.”
So the the fairy picked up her wand and poof – the husband was 90.
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Relationship Jokes

Guidance
On the night of their wedding a young couple finally retired to their hotel room. After making her preparations the bride came out of the bathroom to find the bridegroom on his knees in front of the bed.

- what are you doing? She asked.
- I am praying for guidance – answered the young man.
- I will take care of that – she replied. You pray for endurance.
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Relationship Jokes

Peace and quiet
A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink rapidly.
“is everything okay‚ pal?”‚ the bartender asks.
“my wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn’t talking to me for a month!”.
Trying to put a positive spin on things‚ the bartender says‚ “well‚ maybe that’s kind of a good thing. You know‚ a little peace and quiet?”
“yeah. But today is the last day”.
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Teacher: "It's better to fail than to cheat!"
Me: "Lol no b*tch. It's better to cheat than to repeat”
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What would George Washington do if he were alive today?
Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.
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Whats better than winning an award?
Not having your family shot to death.
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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, she's already been told twice.
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Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I have a gun.
Get in the van.
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Knock knock
Who's there?
You're adopted.
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Guess who got back together after all the shit they've been through?
Your ass cheeks
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The new Titanic 3D is out.
Maybe they'll see the fucking iceberg this time.
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Guy - "Gimme the bad news first."
Doctor - "You have AIDS."
Guy - "What's the good news?"
Doctor - "You have alzheimer's."
Guy - "Well that's not so bad, at least I don't have AIDS."
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Boy: Hi.
Girl: I have a boyfriend.
Boy: I said hi, not suck my dick.
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Say, "Do I smell popcorn?" right after you fart. So everybody takes a big whiff.
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